In John Armstrong’s essay “To regard beauty as a luxury adornment or a social signifier was to miss the true potential of the experience”, talks about a lot of important points that many people don’t realize but need to. He talks about how many only view beauty as physical beauty or something that is visually beautiful. But what a lot of people don’t realize is all the hidden beauty that there is and how amazing it can be. For me, I personally feel that people can find beauty in almost anything. I always try to find beauty in everything that I do and see because it brings me so much happiness. I think that confidence and uniqueness is so beautiful and stands out so much. I find bright colors beautiful along with arts, acts of kindness, personalities, and so many other creations. I feel that society has such a narrow view on what beauty is or should be. Society has built a certain image and idea of what beauty should be and what everyone should look like in order to feel beautiful. They also make people feel like they should think certain things are beautiful and if you think other wise, you become an outcast. I have noticed that it it’s different with millennials, they seem to be more open minded. I feel that this generation is starting to change how society views beauty. I feel like millennial’s are so much more accepting of new styles. In Armstrong’s essay he says that,“We can’t hope to see why beauty matters to us unless we pay attention to them both. If we want to understand beauty, we can’t just talk about the things we find beautiful. We have to talk about our lives”. This quote shows how all the people see or talk about beauty thats on the outside, and miss all the beautiful things that are on the inside. When people do this it prevents that from talking about important subjects.
Author: nklaver (Page 4 of 5)
Liv’s 500 word essay really touched my heart. Throughout her essay she talks about so many deep and complicated concepts. She talks about her friend that has cancer and her experience with art in the hospitals and how it effected her time there. Her essay was so inspiring, she really made me think about how much art can touch people, especially ones who are suffering more than everyone else. I know that art impacts my life so much and I can’t believe what it can do for people who are suffering as well. She makes a good point that the art in the hospital can make the children forget about their problems and it lets them just be a kid for a little bit. After hearing about how big of an impact art had on the hospitals, it really made think about how art should be in every hospital. I think that hospitals should really consider adding all different kinds of art throughout their buildings because it can really lift the mood and make sick people happy in such a little way. Liv’s essay truly inspired me and it really made me want to go out and create something beautiful for others to enjoy. Her primary mode of communication was the 500 word essay. I think that this was a really good choice for her because she was able to really express her opinions and show emotion through her speaking. While she was reading her essay, she also had a slide show to show the art that she was talking about so the audience could follow along and understand better.
The purple highlighted words are all of the transition words that I used throughout my paper. I feel that I have an okay amount, but I would still like to add more. What I really noticed was that I used the same transition words a lot, so I want to go back through my paper and change some of the wording. The word “but” came up a lot and I could use the words, although, despite, however, instead so that its not to repetitive.
The words that are highlighted in my pointing words. By using these words it kept the point of the paper relevant and made it stronger. These words also help refer back to previous sentences that I was talking about. I notice that I really said art and science a lot but I feel that I didn’t over do it.
The blue highlighted areas are where I feel that I repeated my opinion. I noticed that a lot of times I talked about how art should be added into science. I also just repeated the whole idea of adding art into science. I noticed that I talked about adding art into education a lot. 
In the article, “The Future of Science… is Art” written by Jonah Lehrer talks a lot about in order to find more information about the ‘unknown’ people need to start using both science and art. One of the main points that Lehrer makes is that both science and art can benefit from looked and learning from each other. Lehrer made a really good point that made me start to think. He talked about how scientists are learning so much about everything, yet they are also so far away from learning everything. He goes on to talk about, how can scientist get all their questions answered when they don’t even know what questions to be asking. This is a very good point and it just lead me to thinking about how much is outer that we really don’t know about. He then goes on to say “If we want answers to our most essential questions, then we will need to bridge our cultural divide”. He is talking about the divided between the art and science cultures. He feels that once the two come together more, amazing things will be discovered. This article was a lot harder to read for me. It was longer in length and just the language and ideas being talked about were a little out of my comfort zone and I had to read very slowly so that I could stay with the text.
Glossing the Text
- Zeitgeist- The defining spirit or mood of a particular period of history as shown by the ideas and beliefs of the time.
- Parse- Analyze into its parts and describe their syntactic roles
- Ephemeral- Lasting for a very short time.
- Lepidopterist- a person who studies or collects butterflies and moths.
- Qualia- The internal and subjective component of sense perceptions, arising from stimulation of the senses by phenomena.
- Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle– That it is impossible to measure two properties of a quantum object, such as its position and momentum (or energy and time), simultaneously with infinite precision.
- “The bridging principle” (You may have to look at the text itself, for this definition.)- The neural event that would explain how the activity of our brain cells creates the subjective experience of consciousness.
- Reductionism– the practice of analyzing and describing a complex phenomenon in terms of phenomena that are held to represent a simpler or more fundamental level, especially when this is said to provide a sufficient explanation.
- Synapse– A junction between two nerve cells, consisting of a minute gap across which impulses pass by diffusion of a neurotransmitter.
- Epiphenomenon– a secondary effect or byproduct that arises from but does not causally influence a process, in particular.
- Holistic perspective– It means that we are interested in engaging and developing the whole person.
- Metaphor- A figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable
Charles Percy Snow, know as C.P. Snow was a novelist for CBE and a English physical chemist. During the time of World War 2, he became a scientific adviser to for the British Government. C.P. Snow also wrote the 11 novel sequence that was part of novel called “Strangers and Brothers”. Then when on to writing more books about science and literature. In the article, “The Future of Science… is Art” it says that C.P Snow was the one that “coined the two culture cliche”, this means that he was the one who made it clear that artist and scientistic would benefit from each other if they would only worked with each other and understand each others work.
Virginia Woolf was a English writer who used the stream of consciousness. She wanted to capture and write about “life as it was lived”. Woolf gained a lot of knowledge about the mind and used in in her novels. Her goal was to try and describe the mind and its works from the “inside”.
Immediate Context-Yo Yo Ma’s article is called “Necessary edges: Arts, Empathy, and Education”. It was originally published in Wold-Post, which is a online news blog. The World-Post has a partnership between the Huffington Post and the Berggruen Institute of Governance. In the Bio of Yo Yo Ma’s bio it stuck out to me that they mention that he began performing when he was nine years old and in later years he became very famous and got over 17 grammy awards and has produced more than 90 albums. The bio also mention that Yo Yo Ma graduated from Juilliard school and Harvard University.
Imposed Context– I strongly agree with Yo Yo Ma, I also feel that schools should involve more art in everything they do. Personally at my school we were pushed to express our emotions through all kinds of art and it seems to bring a lot and joy and peace throughout the school. I took a murals class, and I was able to a huge painting that was then hung up in the school. Every wall of my school is covered in art work and it definitely makes a difference in the environment of the school. I also feel that the imposed context could be just getting more information on what STEAM is or what it could potentially be.
Internal Context-I feel the “So what” is to bring attention to how important art can be when involved in the STEM system. I feel that Yo Yo Ma is trying to reach out to educators and let them know and help them realize how important art is and he goes onto explain multiple examples of how art has touched him and the importance of art overall.
Glossing Words-
Bandwidth- The energy or mental capacity required to deal with a situation.
Invigorate- To give vigor to; fill with life and energy; energize.
Virtuosos- A person who has special knowledge or skill in afield.
Before
The beautiful art that these two have given, brought great pride to the towns. These towns that were once “known for problems like crime, poverty, and violent drug war” (TED)
After
The beautiful art that these two have given, brought great pride to the towns. According to Haas, these towns that were once “known for problems like crime, poverty, and violent drug war”(00:43), are now beautiful places that people enjoy going to visit and see the great art work.
Before
Southan expands on the EA’s beliefs and he goes on to thinking about, is money more helpful or is giving you time more helpful for the less fortunate? At points he says “I think the work would be unlivable without art”.
After
Shouthan explains how he creates dark comedies and how he feels that his art touches people and brings them joy. Southan says. “I think the world would be unlivable without art” (p.435), and this shows how much he believes art and its beauty changes people.
A quote I added:
These workers were giving back to their own community and it brought them a feeling of pride. Hahn explained how “The city of Philadelphia thanked every single one of them and gave them a merit for their accomplishment”(6:40).
Revised writing:
Art is everywhere, in writing, painting, singing, and in thousands of other things. Many people go on their fast paced day and let all the art around them pass, without them even acknowledging it. On the other hand so many people around the world cherish art and find it a necessity in order for happiness. Rhy Southan’s essay “Is Art a Waste of Time?” is a good example of how many people take art for granted and don’t see the beauty that it brings to the world. But then Haas and Hahn TED talk “How Painting can Transform Communities” shows just how important art is to communities and how art can bring meaning to anything in life. If people slow down their lives, and just look, they will have an opportunity to see the beauty in all that is around them and be able to appreciate it more, and maybe even find more happiness in the world. The beauty of art can make people happy in several ways by bringing new joy and light into their lives.
Art exists as one of the strongest paths to beauty, and its beauty is what has power to bring happiness into people’s lives. Haas and Hahn are two mural artists who changed thousand of lives through their art and it’s beauty that it brought to the communities. These two men traveled around Vila Cruzeiro, Rio and put huge vibrant murals on walls, sidewalks, and houses. The beautiful art that these two have given, brought great pride to the towns. These towns that were once “known for problems like crime, poverty, and violent drug war” (TED), are now beautiful places that people enjoy going to visit and see the great art work. Different forms of art can be beautiful in their own way as well. In Rhy Southan’s essay “Is Are a Waste of Time?”, Shouthan explains how he creates dark comedies and how he feels that his art touches people and brings them joy. Southan says. “I think the world would be unlivable without art”, and this shows how much he believes art and its beauty changes people. Art and beauty comes in so many different shapes and forms that some people may not see. There are some people who think art and its beauty are a waste of time and money.
Old writing:
Art is everywhere possible, in writing, paining, singing, and in thousands of other things. Many people go on their fast pace day and let all the art around them pass, without them even egnologing it. On the other hand so many people around the world cherish art and find it a necessity in order for happiness. Rhy Southan’s essay “Is art a waste of time?” a good example of how many people take art for granted and don’t see the beauty that it brings to the world. But then Haas and Hahn TED talk “How painting can Transform Communities” shows just how important art is to communities and how art can bring meaning to anything in life. If people slow down their lives, and just look, they will have an opportunity to see the beauty in all that is around them and be able to appreciate it more, and maybe even find more happiness in the world. Art can make people happy in several ways by bringing new joy and light into their lives.
Haas and Hahn brought new life and meaning to low income communities around the world in very unique ways. Haas and Hahn’s life changing project started out in a small run down community in Vila Cruzeiro, Rio. Vila Cruzeiro is one of many very small towns that is filled with very low income families. The people that live here must build their own houses, resulting in many never being actually finish. These towns have previously been known as a “bad” town that were filled with drugs and crime. This whole perspective changed once Haas and Hahn added a little bit of art into their community. The two men are strong believes that art can make people happy and they wanted help this community in this way. They envisioned amazing murals that could be painted across buildings and walkways. This dream of theirs became reality for them every fast, before they knew it they were starting their first project. The men along with two to three other guys, started off with their first mural with a boy flying a kite. In order to do this they had to plaster the houses first, then paint them. Once the first mural was done the everyone in the community loved it and it showed that it brought meaning to community, people were proud to live someplace that had amazing art. Haas and Hahn realized the huge effect that their art had and they wanted to continue to make these people happy so they decided to start their second project. Their second project was bigger and better and was going to take more time than the first. A local family offered the two men a place to stay while they were working. They realized that through spending their time with the community through cookouts and family dinners, they could get a better feel for their art, they felt that they could give back more “organic” art that everyone could appreciate and have a stronger connection with. These two didn’t stop their art after the second project, their murals had gone viral and everyone wanted an amazing mural like this to be in their community. These smaller projects had made communities so happy Haas and Hahn started similar projects in North Philly, Curacao, Haiti and back to Rio, in hopes of making communities happier, brighter, and more positive areas. By creating these murals, the communities that were once so bad and violent, had something to be proud of and look forward to. The paintings were so beautiful that it brought tourist to the these communities and that leads to money being put back into the community to make it better. This is proof that art can make lives better in so many ways. The mural projects also brought the communities together and helped them realize that their communitie were important and beautiful and more than just another low class community. These murals not only changed the way that theses communities looked at art, but how many in the world look at art. These projects proved that art makes the world a happier place. Even though it is so clear that creating art can help low income communities and bring light into people’s lives, some people believe that art is a waste of time.
What I fixed:
So to start off, I changed my thesis a little bit, to fit to more of what I was talking about. Then I went back through my first paragraph and fixed grammatical errors and reworded and few things. Then second, I totally changed my whole second paragraph. I made it a lot short and this time it wasn’t just a summary. I feel that my new paragraph fits my thesis a lot better and is a lot stronger. This new paragraph has a claim, and I also only used quotes that made my paper stronger. I feel like all these changes have my paper a lot stronger and have brought it way from the “5 paragraph” paper style.
I have a lot of goals for this paper. I want to actually go back through and almost rewrite my paper. I feel that I took the wrong approach at it and did the summarizing one paragraph then summarizing the other and then comparing. Which is a habit we are trying to get out of. I think that a lot that I wrote I could still use, but I need to move it around a lot. I need to focus on having better claims for my paragraphs and then supporting them throughout the paper instead of wandering off to a different idea. I want to also focus on sentence structure, grammar, and word choice. I want to go back through my quotes and make sure that I’m only using ones that will support my thesis.
First, what I need to do is go back through my paper and rewrite it. I feel like this step takes priority because if I do other steps before it, it would be pointless. To do this I will go through my paper and break it down and come up with better claims for each paragraph. I will then use different sentences from my first draft and try to make them all flow and fit together. I feel that I need to have stronger claims, then work my writing around that. Once I have stronger claims and paragraphs I can go back through and find quotes that support my claim. I want my paragraphs to be more mixed in my second draft this time. I want them all to relate more. I feel that in my first draft they were all a little separate and don’t connect well with each other. Once I have stronger claims and evidence it will only make my paper stronger and support my thesis even more.
I feel that my biggest struggle is grammar. I feel that is something really easy to fix though. So another big struggle that I’m facing is, trying to put the right information into the right paragraphs. At this point I feel like I need to start over and rewrite my paper in a different perspective. I feel like this is going to be struggle for me and may make me frustrated but I will take it one paragraph at a time and work on it. I feel that if I don’t try to fix it all in a day it will help me look through it all slower and it will produce better paragraphs.
If a challenge comes up through out my writing, I could always look into the little seagull book for help because it is very straightforward and has a lot of great information. I could email my teacher and ask for advice. I could have my roommate read my paper aloud to me, and maybe I could see where I was going wrong. I could also go to SASC to look for extra help.
I feel like this could fall under ideas, “Introduce this differently maybe you could try saying things like: In accordance to, regarding, in reference to. Makes the quote flow better with the paper.” I feel like this fits into organization because I am giving her some ideas that she could use to make her paper better and flow easier. Sometimes it’s hard to see these things when you’ re reading your own paper.
I feel that this could go under evidence, the author wrote, “As Zander described, being powerful includes helping others to be their best.” And I felt that if the she went on to state how she felt about it and her opinion on it, it would only back her paper up even more. What does she define as power and what does she think makes someone powerful?
I feel like this could go under organization, In a paragraphs above the authors paragraph was talking all about music, but two paragraphs later she had a very good point that involved music. I suggested that she move that sentence up because I thought it would fit better and make more since.
I feel like this was a very helpful step in my writing process. While reading though these essays I was able to see somethings that they could work on to make their papers better and then I thought about my paper and realized that I had been making some of the same mistakes. This kind of opens your eyes and gives you a new look at you paper in so many ways. When you go back to your paper you can look for some of those mistakes you saw previously. And not only, when reading though other peoples essays it gives you new point of views and ideas to write about, some that you may of never thought about writing before. I think that this process will definitely help me fore when I go back and revise my paper. At first while writing comments I was a little nervous and didn’t want to sound rude or that I didn’t like their writing. But then I felt like everyone was on the same page with the comments situation especially after talking about it in class. After realizing this, I was able to read through the essays and give back honest comments that I felt would be helpful and only make the essay better.
First I’d like to start out by say I LOVED having to do this activity. Having to write down a introduction almost forced me to do in a way. In the past my introduction was always the last thing for me to write. But now having a rough draft of my intro paragraph I feel like will help me with my whole paper so much. Also then going back and reading others work, opens new doors and connects for me and it gives me more ideas for my own writing. I think this process is super helpful because you get other students opinions on your work, and from there on your work can only get better as you write. What I plan on doing when its time, is to write my first draft, then go back through these comments and see if it sparks anymore ideas that I could add into my writing to make it stronger. This was a great activity and I’d love to do it again!
Here is a hyperlink to my comment and reply!
